It’s been months and a lot has happened in my life but I’m finally back where I need to be. I’m motivated and have a much clearer understanding of what I’m doing with my life.
I’ll be updating the blog regularly and sharing some of the unique journeys that I’m going to take this year with you all.
Stay tuned, I can’t promise it will be interesting but I can promise it’ll be honest.
I’ve been thinking a lot about my drinking and have “casually” discussed the need to cut back our drinking with Crazy Cat Boy, something he’s agreed with.
I thought that I was the one with the problem, but now I’m not so sure it’s just me. I arrived home from a trip away last weekend to a lovely dinner and a waiting glass of bubbles. This is all very romantic and I appreciate it. However that glass turned into three bottles and a lost Sunday. That’s pretty crap, and that is precisely how I felt as well.
Last night would have been five days straight alcohol free, I even took myself off for a massage to reward myself. When I got home CCB immediately suggested bubbles, he’d done it the night before too but I’d declined as I had to be up early to pick my boss up from the airport. I didn’t even say yes before he was out the door to get some (to be fair, I didn’t say no either). Now I knew I didn’t want it, I didn’t enjoy it, but drank two bottles. That’s right inside the space of five days we’ve drunk five bottles between us.
This has to stop and now I’m worried that I’ll have not only my own potential problem to deal with but to gently find out if he is concerned about his own drinking. I’m a bit confused and not sure how to deal with it all.
On a positive note last Friday, completely sober I had dinner with an old school friend that I hadn’t seen in 28 years. We accidently picked a dry restaurant and it didn’t matter at all. I can be chatty and fun without booze! We are going to pick up where we left off with another old school friend in a next month in my home town and I can’t wait.
I’ve been worried about this for a while…
Alcoholism runs deep on both sides of my family. A maternal aunt spent most of her adult life in an assisted living facility due to brain damage from alcohol and dad is a functioning alcoholic.
I’ve always known that I had the capacity to develop a serious problem with alcohol. I develop patterns and habits quickly. This is great when it comes to work, I’m one of those people who employers talk about when they ask for someone who can “hit the ground running”, however it also means that sharing a couple of bottles of wine a night with Crazy Cat Boy also becomes a pattern fast.
It scares me that I can easily drink a bottle of wine and not feel any real ill effects the next day. That isn’t normal drinking, is it? No, don’t bother answering that, it isn’t, I know that.
Am I a drunk? I don’t drink every night, but when I do I get drunk and I’ve started falling asleep in front of the TV (or is that passing out?), I don’t drink on my own, but I’ve got a build in drinking buddy in CCB, I don’t fall down drunk in public, I don’t skip work due to hangovers, but I am less productive and tend to waste time on those days.
Today’s post is inspired by the fact that I knew I had a big day, one where I need to be creative and also hold my own with my boss on a new product that we disagree on. So the sensible course of action would have been to have one glass with the neighbour when she brought over a thank you bottle and then gone to be early. Did that happen, hell no. She went home; we finished the bottle and then went and got another! As a result of that I had a bad sleep and have a mild hangover on top of bad hay fever and I’m feeling crap.
So, should I quit all together? I know what when I don’t drink I’m calmer, more focused and I look better. I’m also scared that I’m more concerned about what wine is doing to my hair and skin than my liver and brain, seriously what kind of mess up thinking is that?
Can I quit? That might be the even scarier question.
It’s been a while, but I’m back baby!
Work and life have been busy and I’ve been stuck in a creative rut that there was no need to subject you to!
The work situation is still up in the air due to our Game of Thrones situation – the Iron Throne is still vacant. The court rumour mill has it while the seat of power is attractive the gold, or lack thereof is not enough to temp an heir into the citadel.
I’m riding it out and doing as much contingency planning as I can. I like my job but I need to accept that nothing will change in the short term. So, I’m putting on my big girl panties, sucking it up and getting over it.
I’ve put myself on the wagon wine wise to try and get fit – ok, lose some weight, my new undies don’t fit and I had delusions of grandeur that I could wear a white pencil skirt (to go with my rashly purchased fabulous jacket that matches NOTHING I own). Until I tried it on that is. Why is it that white only serves to highlight cellulite? I had a long and depressing talk with myself in the change rooms at Cue a couple of weeks ago while trying to convince myself that with a bit of spanks action I could get away with the sleek white look. Fortunately for my bank balance the realist in me won, so I don’t have yet another expensive item in my wardrobe that I can’t wear.
Another reason for the temporary wine wagon is that I’ve been reading Sober Mummy’s blog (it’s fabulous, check it out) and some other blogs in the sober sphere and thought that it would be good for me to take a break. While I don’t drink every day, when I do I drink way more than I should. I don’t like the path that this habit could take me down so I’m taking action.
So that’s it for me for today. I’ll be back soon I promise!
One, I like falafel, who’d have thought it!
How did I even put myself in a position to find out you ask? Well a couple of times a year Crazy Cat Boy and I host a drinks party for our random group of friends. One of them is vegetarian and I am always paranoid that we won’t have enough “stuff” that he’ll eat, so we always wind up with a stack of food left over, this time it was the “I’m too drunk to bother heating them up” falafels. In desperation I pan fried a few and had them for lunch on the Monday – not bad!
Two, I am no longer able to drink with impunity and sometimes vitamin B is not enough to save me from the consequences of my irresponsible actions. Queue a nasty, dizzy, unproductive Sunday and commitment that I won’t drink in October.
Three, I break no drinking promises to myself with amazing ease… see point two.
Four, even when my old cat tries to smother me in my sleep I am still capable of loving him.
Five, I’m very lucky. Even with the punishment that I put my body through with a bit of TLC it comes good and keeps going, mostly without bits falling off.
I think I need to pay more attention to number five as I’m sure that one day my body won’t be so accommodating. A couple of things recently have been sure signs that I need to treat myself better. I’ll share my “wellness journey” such as it is if I keep it up.
So, what did you learn about yourself this week?
Good question, we are going to get along just fine! I asked myself that very thing this morning when I decided to start a blog.
I guess it is to keep track of the random personal and professional thoughts that keep me up at night occasionally. It is also to keep me honest in my travels and triumphs with new technology and some goals in life.
So who is Crazy Cat Lady? Well, I’m an apparently middle aged professional who works in a male dominated industry with an amazingly diverse set of personalities that frustrate and delight me. The really talented ones can do both at the same time.
I work for a small company and am lucky enough to work from home. Most of the time it is just me and four cats until Crazy Cat Boy comes home from work and provides me with another human to speak to. After nearly twenty years together, most of it spent working in the same industry sometimes we struggle to come up with more that “how was your day?” as we can’t chat work like most couples, it would be a conflict of interest. This is something we’ve had to deal with most of our relationship. I think we muddle through ok most of the time, but more of that in later posts.
What can you expect if you decide to play along? A posting once a week, a few photos and I hope some information that helps you in some way.
Thanks for reading