Sugar Made Me Do It

lemon cake

I’ve talked about how Crazy Cat Boy is helping me with my 100 Day Challenge but what I’ve not talked about is how I’m helping him achieve some goals of his own.  His goals are DELICIOUS!

We were given Poh Ling Yeow’s 100 Great Bakes cookbook last year for Christmas and he’s picked out a number of fabulous (and rich items) that he’d like to make.  First it was the decedent vanilla slice, which looked nothing like the vanilla slices of my school canteen days!  Mmm, the cream patisserie, for a woman who doesn’t like custardy things was divine.   Then this weekend gone it was the Lemon Curd Meringue Sponge cake… light, fluffy cake, zingy lemon curd all encased in the lightest chewiest meringue you’ve ever encountered.  Tonight will be puff pastry with leftover curd, Chantilly cream and meringue, coz, you know, food waste is such a crime against the environment (and my jeans it’s turning out).   Next weekend it’s the cinnamon scrolls, can’t wait!

Now here’s the kicker it’s been cold out here in wine country and it’s bloody dark in the mornings and I’ve been particularly slack around getting on the bike in these conditions.  This combined with the intense amount of sugar that I’ve been inhaling (I had lemon sponge for breakfast yesterday – don’t judge me, lemon is fruit and cream is just not runny milk!) and not only are my clothes feeling a bit tight but the wonderful head hits pillow out like a light sleep that I’ve been experiencing since not drinking has GONE.

I had forgotten how ordinary I feel when I don’t sleep and can’t believe that I normally operated like this.   I blame the sugar.  The only other option is that we’ve been going to bed a ridiculously early time since I’ve been on the challenge, perhaps I’ve caught up on all the sleep I’ve missed over the years in the past 60 odd days.  Yeah, I know, it’s unlikely.  LOL

As addictions go I think sugar is right up there, just writing this after my second day of no sleep has my mind is wandering through the contents of the pantry to see what in there that is sweet is readily available to sooth my craving.  I might have to address this one at some point.  But until then I’ll continue to support CCB in his endeavours… the sugar and love made me do it!

PS: In case anyone is wondering at nearly 70 days in I feel more “awake” now than I have in years regardless of the sleep issue. I’m thinking this 100 days might need to be extended.

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Cranky, Possibly Crazy…

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The last week or so I’ve been in a mood,  cranky, irrational, snarky, no patience at all with anyone, a true joy to be around… Not!  Mind you, no one has been brave enough to complain but I know it in myself.

I’m mainlining chocolate, drinking Coke like it’s going out of fashion and kicking things that piss me off, like the garage door…. How dare he lock it when I knew I’d probably use it at some point this week???!  It’s like he’s deliberately provoking me!

(Poor Crazy Cat Boy has NO idea that I’m so pissed at the fact he secured our house against chance marauders, mind you if he’d been home he’d have worked it out! LOL)

I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I even Googled “how to practice gratitude” and got narky because the articles were too long and it looked like a bit of work.    So I’m sitting here scowling at the screen, coz you know, I’m good like that, wondering if this post is adding value or just me killing time before my next interminable teleconference, where I’m going to get more pissed off because my service provider keeps changing exactly what it is their service actually provides.

So, what’s the thoughts good internet peeps, is it lack of sun, time of year (winter here), really late withdrawal or am I just an ungrateful crazy cow who’s allowing a couple of dodgy weeks to crank up the poor me’s?  Love your opinions, I’d just be careful how you phrase them!  LOL

 

PS: I think it’s day 43 with no booze, I’m starting to lose count.

 

Scared of the Dark?

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Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

For the past, I don’t know how long Crazy Cat Boy has been reluctant to leave the house at night, don’t know why but it’s been slowly driving me insane… Pro Tip: Not drinking will make these things VERY clear to you!  😉

Perhaps he’s scared of the dark?  I dunno.

So we spend our Saturday nights flicking (well, him, flicking, I’m not allowed to use the remote apparently!) through the same crappy films that we didn’t want to watch last weekend… Not sure why he thinks there is going to be some seismic change in 7 days on Apple’s movie offering, is it a boy thing?

But being a good manager and problem solver I’ve found a short term solution… Movies.  In particular Deadpool 2, Solo, and the Incredibles 2 are showing in cinemas now.

The Saturday just gone I managed to lure him out of the house, convinced him that a 7.15 movie was fine, we wouldn’t be home to late and that dinner prior at the Mexican restaurant we’ve been meaning to go to would be a lovely night out.  Yes, I ordered dinner at 5.45 pm like I was on the first sitting of the seniors all you could eat buffet, but it’s baby steps and I can cope with that, at least I was out of the house on a Saturday night like a grown up!

So, who’s money’s on me building him up to an 8 pm movie that will allow me a dinner time that doesn’t involved me eating with families with very young children or people old enough to be my parents?  I’m thinking by the time we book our tickets for The Incredibles 2 we might make a time where when I was younger I’d start thinking about having a shower to get ready to go out at night!  Wish me luck.

PS: I’m now officially a third of the way through Belles 100 Day Challenge and I’m considering making this a semi permanent state of total sobriety.

 

Pity Party & Sabotage

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I’m now on day 8 of Belles 100 Day Challenge. I feel amazing but it’s not been all plain sailing.

Friday* nights are hard for me without booze.  Crazy Cat Boy and I traditionally kick off the shoes and zone out with a bottle (who’m I kidding – two bottles), watch crap TV and chat.  The first bottle is gone before dinner giving us a nice buzz and the right air of irresponsibility to crack on with the second, regardless of what Saturday is supposed to look like.

Last Friday I sulked, watered the garden and generally mooched around the house doing random tasks before slinking off to watch TV in a separate room all by myself and have a bit of a pity party… you see Saturday was my birthday and all week CCB had been making references to nice bottles of champagne with me correcting him about my “challenge”.  I think this is the first birthday I’ve done completely sober. I felt sorry for myself but I made it through.

I know CCB loves me but he’s also very good at subconsciously trying to sabotage me.  Saturday he pulled out the verjuice to cook dinner with but then went to the shop and came back with a bottle of white to cook with instead.  Now this was no ordinary we’ll chuck it in the slow cooked lamb wine, it was very nice, local drop that we quite enjoy.  The recipe only calls for 1/2 a cup and once he’d put it back in the fridge (that’s right, he bought a COLD  bottle to “cook” with!  Yeah right.) I deliberately hid it in the very back of the fridge (it’s on the bottom shelf if you are looking for it  😉  ) so it would be out of my line of sight.  That does help me, often if I cant see something I’ll forget it’s there.  I know he was disappointed that I didn’t crack and have a glass, but I’m feeling so much better for it.

I know that I can do this 100 days but I’m sure there’ll be a few more pity parties along the way.

 

*I’m telling myself only 11 more Fridays to go, counting them down helps right???!!

Do WE Have A Problem?

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I’ve been thinking a lot about my drinking and have “casually” discussed the need to cut back our drinking with Crazy Cat Boy, something he’s agreed with.

I thought that I was the one with the problem, but now I’m not so sure it’s just me.   I arrived home from a trip away last weekend to a lovely dinner and a waiting glass of bubbles.  This is all very romantic and I appreciate it.  However that glass turned into three bottles and a lost Sunday. That’s pretty crap, and that is precisely how I felt as well.

Last night would have been five days straight alcohol free, I even took myself off for a massage to reward myself.  When I got home CCB immediately suggested bubbles, he’d done it the night before too but I’d declined as I had to be up early to pick my boss up from the airport.  I didn’t even say yes before he was out the door to get some (to be fair, I didn’t say no either).  Now I knew I didn’t want it, I didn’t enjoy it, but drank two bottles.  That’s right inside the space of five days we’ve drunk five bottles between us.

This has to stop and now I’m worried that I’ll have not only my own potential problem to deal with but to gently find out if he is concerned about his own drinking.  I’m a bit confused and not sure how to deal with it all.

On a positive note last Friday, completely sober I had dinner with an old school friend that I hadn’t seen in 28 years.  We accidently picked a dry restaurant and it didn’t matter at all.  I can be chatty and fun without booze!  We are going to pick up where we left off with another old school friend in a next month in my home town and I can’t wait.

A Sledge Hammer & Good Intentions

building-1080599.jpgI’m sitting in the carnage of what was once my ensuite shower staring at the dust, chipped concrete and new scratches on previously pristine tiles.  How did you happen you ask? Good question, and it’s all my fault, let me explain…

I have a problem with “nearly done”.  It springs from growing up in a house where Dad had a 5 year plan that morphed into a 10 and then 20 year plan.  Things half built, nearly finished, never started.  The clock only reset when they moved house and the 5 year plan could start again!

It dove me nuts.  It also drove me to be very self sufficient and a strong feeling that I couldn’t rely on anyone else (but that’s probably another post).

I swore I wouldn’t be one of those women that lived in a nearly done house.  How is it then that 5 years after moving in the house is still a list of niggling things that need doing?

Crazy Cat Boy starts strong (and to be fair he tackles stuff I wouldn’t) but doesn’t finish well.  So I’m on a mission this year to “finish” everything.  This led to getting a quote for retiling the base of our shower re tiled so it drains properly.

This is where the fun started… first I had to get a tiler to show up; then I nearly had a heart attack at the quote from the one tiler that did!

Over the years Crazy Cat Boy and I’ve turned our hands to all sorts of things, with mostly okay outcomes. So we decided that we’d do it ourselves, how hard can it be?

It’s not like we dove right in with a sledge hammer and good intentions.  No we did the responsible thing: We watched some YouTube videos first. This clearly makes us qualified right?  What’s the worst that can happen?  The base will leak and our house will rot from under us, no biggie 😉

The destruction has started and we’ve managed to remove the tiles, the concrete base and the very expensive glass doors.    Now it’s a process of drying it out and using A3 sheets of paper to work out the new tile pattern and drain waste placement.   It’s now I’m also wondering if we just should have sucked it up and paid a professional.

I’m not sure how it will end, but for now it’s an adventure (or a YouTube how not) waiting to happen. Wish us luck!

Bah Hum Bug

20151208_125434_resizedI’m totally not a Christmas person

We’ve just gone through his family’s seasonal “Crazy Cat Lady, you got random cousin Jay in the family draw” saga.  This means I now have to work out which one Jay is again, then spend $50 on a person that I don’t really know, only see every third Christmas, who won’t acknowledge this gift so I’ll never know if the specialised gift that they requested and I paid extra shipping for even arrived!

This process is starting to wear thin. Plus,immediate family are an exception; you are still expected to spend a fortune on them and get random crap* back in return.

I’ve never really been a Christmas person, even when small.  It usually meant being up early and having to be on my best behaviour if Grandma was coming.   The only upside as a kid was that I usually got to see Cousin Wendy and check out her new earrings (she wore make up and made her own funky earrings, she was and is way cool). Cousin Wendy and I would also whip everyone’s arses at pool at Nan and Pa’s which was always fun – It stood us in good stead drinks wise when we started hitting the bars.

Crazy Cat Boy however LOVES Christmas.  He’s an extravagant shopper by nature and loves to be a part of his extended family.  But (why is there always a “but”?)  Christmas is a stark reminder that his family don’t really know him.  It makes me sad to watch the puzzled look creep over his face as he opens yet another well meaning but rarely thought out gift.  Just email me people; I’ll give you some tips, it’s really not that hard!!  I mean, at least I know they don’t care what I get, but he takes it personally.

This year we are on the verge of a Christmas miracle, we are just one missing dog sitter away from it being the two of us in our own home, far away from the inevitable stress that will occur over slightly dry pork and copious amounts of champagne as my BIL & SIL host lunch at their place.

The magic of Christmas might just be restored!

*It’s not their fault; they don’t know me any better than I know them.

I always get a giggle at gifts from SIL.  One year out of every ten she knocks it out of the ball park with an amazing, thoughtful gift that must have taken months to pull together.  The other nine years however, it looks like she ran blindfolded through a service station and just wrapped whatever random stuff she picked up!  LOL

I’ve Quit Guilt & So Should You

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I gave it up about 18 months ago. If you haven’t already done this, give it a try it is liberating.

I was a 3 pack a day guilter so it wasn’t easy.

I always had that feeling that whatever was wrong was my fault somehow. It comes high school where I was bullied everyday then moving straight into a job where the company culture was to sit the staff down and tell us that we should do anything they told us to because no one else would hire us. I already knew from school; comply and conform is the only option for acceptance. Doh, talk about negative reinforcement!

Closed doors, must be talking about me. Something goes wrong on a project that I’m only slightly connected with, must have been something I’ve done. CCB in bad mood, yup, must have been something I said or did. It got to the point where guilt was starting to control my life.

My light bulb moment came after a particularly trying day at work where it was announced that “not everyone will be going” to a long awaited event that I was a critical part of the planning for. I immediately thought; Well, I should take one for the team, I’ll talk to the boss tomorrow and tell him to leave me out. Then I went home and got ready for my walk and CCB got cranky because he wanted me to go and do something with him, he didn’t need me to do it, it was just that what I wanted to do wasn’t about him*

So I went for my walk feeling guilty and then it hit me… why am I feeling this way? I deserve to get fit; I have the right to want what I want.

Then I thought about the work situation. I didn’t notice any of the boys volunteering to step back, so why should I? I’m a key part of this team and I should be at this event. I’m proud of the work I’ve done to get this up and running. Bugger it, I’m not having that chat with the boss tomorrow and I refuse to feel guilty about it.

So that is the day I gave up guilt.

I feel lighter and strangely more confident when I reply “That’s a shame, what is being done to resolve the issue?” instead of immediately trying to find a way that I messed up and jumping in to help “fix” it.

Guilt is a highly addictive, nasty, destructive habit that is bad for your mental health. Giving up is hard, but not giving up is worse. Take a hint from Tay Tay** and Shake It Off, Shake It Off.

* He’s working on that

** I wonder how different my high school years might have been if Ms Swift rather than Mr Farnham was the soundtrack!

The Gourmet Creative “Process”

I’m seriously considering commissioning a time and motion study to get to the bottom of this issue. There have to be efficiencies that can be applied to the current processes – Marco Pierre White would lose his mind if he saw Crazy Cat Boy cook!kitchen

I’m standing in our kitchen surrounded by an inconceivably large mess that produced a single dinner for two last night.

Stains I don’t recognise spread across the floor (I’m ignoring the larger bits of ‘stuff”, I leave them for the cats to clean up so they aren’t my problem), there are brightly colour dribbles down every cupboard.

Weird spices coat the bits of the bench, sink and cooktop that I can see past the truly staggering number of utensils, plates, chopping boards and saucepans that clutter every available surface.

I don’t understand!  The dishwasher is right there and it’s empty, why not put the dirty stuff in there when you’re done with it?  Every knife has been used; why must he use every knife?

Once clean tea towels are caked with god knows what.  Why is it always the good tea towels that he uses, why not the ratty old ones that I hang right next to them?! Soaking doesn’t work; they never look the same again.

The kicker is that the one who cooks doesn’t clean in our house.  There is no incentive for him to change anything in his creative process.

One of the younger cats jumps lightly up on to a slightly less crowed part of the bench and gives me a look that says “There’s nothing good left up here, I checked last night”.  The older cat licks a random patch of floor hoping for a find, he’ll probably have success judging from the looks of all this.  With a resigned sigh I pull on rubber gloves and start the recovery process….

I really shouldn’t complain.  I do cook, but I don’t enjoy it and he does.   My major contribution to keeping us fed is to suggest that wine might be nice and grabbing the glasses out.  Apart from the colossal mess, the system works for us.