Do WE Have A Problem?

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I’ve been thinking a lot about my drinking and have “casually” discussed the need to cut back our drinking with Crazy Cat Boy, something he’s agreed with.

I thought that I was the one with the problem, but now I’m not so sure it’s just me.   I arrived home from a trip away last weekend to a lovely dinner and a waiting glass of bubbles.  This is all very romantic and I appreciate it.  However that glass turned into three bottles and a lost Sunday. That’s pretty crap, and that is precisely how I felt as well.

Last night would have been five days straight alcohol free, I even took myself off for a massage to reward myself.  When I got home CCB immediately suggested bubbles, he’d done it the night before too but I’d declined as I had to be up early to pick my boss up from the airport.  I didn’t even say yes before he was out the door to get some (to be fair, I didn’t say no either).  Now I knew I didn’t want it, I didn’t enjoy it, but drank two bottles.  That’s right inside the space of five days we’ve drunk five bottles between us.

This has to stop and now I’m worried that I’ll have not only my own potential problem to deal with but to gently find out if he is concerned about his own drinking.  I’m a bit confused and not sure how to deal with it all.

On a positive note last Friday, completely sober I had dinner with an old school friend that I hadn’t seen in 28 years.  We accidently picked a dry restaurant and it didn’t matter at all.  I can be chatty and fun without booze!  We are going to pick up where we left off with another old school friend in a next month in my home town and I can’t wait.

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A Sledge Hammer & Good Intentions

building-1080599.jpgI’m sitting in the carnage of what was once my ensuite shower staring at the dust, chipped concrete and new scratches on previously pristine tiles.  How did you happen you ask? Good question, and it’s all my fault, let me explain…

I have a problem with “nearly done”.  It springs from growing up in a house where Dad had a 5 year plan that morphed into a 10 and then 20 year plan.  Things half built, nearly finished, never started.  The clock only reset when they moved house and the 5 year plan could start again!

It dove me nuts.  It also drove me to be very self sufficient and a strong feeling that I couldn’t rely on anyone else (but that’s probably another post).

I swore I wouldn’t be one of those women that lived in a nearly done house.  How is it then that 5 years after moving in the house is still a list of niggling things that need doing?

Crazy Cat Boy starts strong (and to be fair he tackles stuff I wouldn’t) but doesn’t finish well.  So I’m on a mission this year to “finish” everything.  This led to getting a quote for retiling the base of our shower re tiled so it drains properly.

This is where the fun started… first I had to get a tiler to show up; then I nearly had a heart attack at the quote from the one tiler that did!

Over the years Crazy Cat Boy and I’ve turned our hands to all sorts of things, with mostly okay outcomes. So we decided that we’d do it ourselves, how hard can it be?

It’s not like we dove right in with a sledge hammer and good intentions.  No we did the responsible thing: We watched some YouTube videos first. This clearly makes us qualified right?  What’s the worst that can happen?  The base will leak and our house will rot from under us, no biggie 😉

The destruction has started and we’ve managed to remove the tiles, the concrete base and the very expensive glass doors.    Now it’s a process of drying it out and using A3 sheets of paper to work out the new tile pattern and drain waste placement.   It’s now I’m also wondering if we just should have sucked it up and paid a professional.

I’m not sure how it will end, but for now it’s an adventure (or a YouTube how not) waiting to happen. Wish us luck!

Bah Hum Bug

20151208_125434_resizedI’m totally not a Christmas person

We’ve just gone through his family’s seasonal “Crazy Cat Lady, you got random cousin Jay in the family draw” saga.  This means I now have to work out which one Jay is again, then spend $50 on a person that I don’t really know, only see every third Christmas, who won’t acknowledge this gift so I’ll never know if the specialised gift that they requested and I paid extra shipping for even arrived!

This process is starting to wear thin. Plus,immediate family are an exception; you are still expected to spend a fortune on them and get random crap* back in return.

I’ve never really been a Christmas person, even when small.  It usually meant being up early and having to be on my best behaviour if Grandma was coming.   The only upside as a kid was that I usually got to see Cousin Wendy and check out her new earrings (she wore make up and made her own funky earrings, she was and is way cool). Cousin Wendy and I would also whip everyone’s arses at pool at Nan and Pa’s which was always fun – It stood us in good stead drinks wise when we started hitting the bars.

Crazy Cat Boy however LOVES Christmas.  He’s an extravagant shopper by nature and loves to be a part of his extended family.  But (why is there always a “but”?)  Christmas is a stark reminder that his family don’t really know him.  It makes me sad to watch the puzzled look creep over his face as he opens yet another well meaning but rarely thought out gift.  Just email me people; I’ll give you some tips, it’s really not that hard!!  I mean, at least I know they don’t care what I get, but he takes it personally.

This year we are on the verge of a Christmas miracle, we are just one missing dog sitter away from it being the two of us in our own home, far away from the inevitable stress that will occur over slightly dry pork and copious amounts of champagne as my BIL & SIL host lunch at their place.

The magic of Christmas might just be restored!

*It’s not their fault; they don’t know me any better than I know them.

I always get a giggle at gifts from SIL.  One year out of every ten she knocks it out of the ball park with an amazing, thoughtful gift that must have taken months to pull together.  The other nine years however, it looks like she ran blindfolded through a service station and just wrapped whatever random stuff she picked up!  LOL

I’ve Quit Guilt & So Should You

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I gave it up about 18 months ago. If you haven’t already done this, give it a try it is liberating.

I was a 3 pack a day guilter so it wasn’t easy.

I always had that feeling that whatever was wrong was my fault somehow. It comes high school where I was bullied everyday then moving straight into a job where the company culture was to sit the staff down and tell us that we should do anything they told us to because no one else would hire us. I already knew from school; comply and conform is the only option for acceptance. Doh, talk about negative reinforcement!

Closed doors, must be talking about me. Something goes wrong on a project that I’m only slightly connected with, must have been something I’ve done. CCB in bad mood, yup, must have been something I said or did. It got to the point where guilt was starting to control my life.

My light bulb moment came after a particularly trying day at work where it was announced that “not everyone will be going” to a long awaited event that I was a critical part of the planning for. I immediately thought; Well, I should take one for the team, I’ll talk to the boss tomorrow and tell him to leave me out. Then I went home and got ready for my walk and CCB got cranky because he wanted me to go and do something with him, he didn’t need me to do it, it was just that what I wanted to do wasn’t about him*

So I went for my walk feeling guilty and then it hit me… why am I feeling this way? I deserve to get fit; I have the right to want what I want.

Then I thought about the work situation. I didn’t notice any of the boys volunteering to step back, so why should I? I’m a key part of this team and I should be at this event. I’m proud of the work I’ve done to get this up and running. Bugger it, I’m not having that chat with the boss tomorrow and I refuse to feel guilty about it.

So that is the day I gave up guilt.

I feel lighter and strangely more confident when I reply “That’s a shame, what is being done to resolve the issue?” instead of immediately trying to find a way that I messed up and jumping in to help “fix” it.

Guilt is a highly addictive, nasty, destructive habit that is bad for your mental health. Giving up is hard, but not giving up is worse. Take a hint from Tay Tay** and Shake It Off, Shake It Off.

* He’s working on that

** I wonder how different my high school years might have been if Ms Swift rather than Mr Farnham was the soundtrack!

The Gourmet Creative “Process”

I’m seriously considering commissioning a time and motion study to get to the bottom of this issue. There have to be efficiencies that can be applied to the current processes – Marco Pierre White would lose his mind if he saw Crazy Cat Boy cook!kitchen

I’m standing in our kitchen surrounded by an inconceivably large mess that produced a single dinner for two last night.

Stains I don’t recognise spread across the floor (I’m ignoring the larger bits of ‘stuff”, I leave them for the cats to clean up so they aren’t my problem), there are brightly colour dribbles down every cupboard.

Weird spices coat the bits of the bench, sink and cooktop that I can see past the truly staggering number of utensils, plates, chopping boards and saucepans that clutter every available surface.

I don’t understand!  The dishwasher is right there and it’s empty, why not put the dirty stuff in there when you’re done with it?  Every knife has been used; why must he use every knife?

Once clean tea towels are caked with god knows what.  Why is it always the good tea towels that he uses, why not the ratty old ones that I hang right next to them?! Soaking doesn’t work; they never look the same again.

The kicker is that the one who cooks doesn’t clean in our house.  There is no incentive for him to change anything in his creative process.

One of the younger cats jumps lightly up on to a slightly less crowed part of the bench and gives me a look that says “There’s nothing good left up here, I checked last night”.  The older cat licks a random patch of floor hoping for a find, he’ll probably have success judging from the looks of all this.  With a resigned sigh I pull on rubber gloves and start the recovery process….

I really shouldn’t complain.  I do cook, but I don’t enjoy it and he does.   My major contribution to keeping us fed is to suggest that wine might be nice and grabbing the glasses out.  Apart from the colossal mess, the system works for us.