An Update From The Bubble

Ok, I think it’s fair to say I’ve been a little, um, relaxed, yep, let’s call it that when it comes to this blog over 2020.

Being couped up at home pretty much since mid March has had a definite impact on my creativity and any desire to write. But I’m still here and all in all Crazy Cat Boy and I are doing ok.

Highlights of the past few months. Well, as of last week I’m the proud holder of a Post Graduate Certificate and have been formally accepted into the Masters program. Never thought I’d hold a University qualification, let alone be doing my Masters.

We’ve both held on to our jobs and we generally get along pretty well. Plus we love where we live and have plenty of space to move around.

Oh, and my hair is now so long I purchased a curling wand! And before you ask, yes, having not used one since the 90’s I absolutely managed to burn myself. LOL

Low lights have been… I’m so bored and seriously lacking in motivation. I’m also very unfit and feeling it. To top it off I’m not sure if some of what I’m feeling is from being unfit or if it’s menopause, because on top of our little COVID issue, Australia is out of my contraceptive pill and it’s not due back in stock until October or possibly November. For someone who’s been in charge of their body since they were 17, this is a big change for me. Not the end of the world, there are alternatives, and let’s face it, being as I am in my, *cough* “extremely late* early 40’s“, the pregnancy risk is exceptionally low. However, I feel not quite myself. Yes, I could get a different prescription for the few months, but I’ve had problems in the past with different pills and this was initially only going to be a 2 month issue, which is turning into a 6 month stretch.

Reality is, like most of the world I’m in limbo and feeling out of sorts. I’m kind of mourning 2020 as I had a lot of plans that I can’t act on. Mind you, this is all minor stuff compared to what hundred’s of thousands of people around the world are going through, so ignore my pity party of one over here. 😉

So there you have it, my COVID experience in a nutshell. I hope you are all well out there. Stay safe and healthy good internet peeps.

* 49 counts as extremely late early 40’s in my book ok! 😉

Shame and Depression…

… went jeans shopping on the weekend, ‘nuf said!

Sigh, if only the Australian retail market catered for everyone like the USA, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be feeling like this.  I’ve never been what you’d call a standard size when it comes to jeans, so I wear what I’ve got for as long as I can, and the point is coming where I won’t be able to go out in public!  LOL.

While I’ve apparently shrunk in size (the last time I shopped all jeans were made for statuesque super models and required anywhere from 10 – 15 cm taken off the bottom, and I’m not paying $$$ for something only to pay more to have them actually fit me).  This time, while I’m the correct height for fashion, apparently my thighs are not on spec and I’ll need to have a rib or two removed to allow the inaccurately named waistband to do up.  God help me if I wanted to digest something, that would have to wait until undressing!

So after this weekends depressing* event I’m going to try and eek out my last precious few pairs of American Eagle Outfitter jeans for a whole year until I hit the USA next October.

And as if the above is not tragic enough, in a few months Super Sammie and I are heading to Bali and that requires bathers –  Oh the horror!!  Wish me luck!

 

* I’m using the word depression tongue in cheek here, however I’d like to acknowledge that depression is a very real and serious condition that impacts a lot of people.  If you think you might be suffering, please speak to someone, there is help out there.

 

It’s amazing what a difference a carrot can make.

orange carrot

Photo by Zun Zun on Pexels.com

Well, it wasn’t just a carrot, but I’m sure the carrot played a part in pulling me out of my last post pity party.  After re reading my post I decided that I really didn’t have life to waste on feeling like that, so I put my big girl pants on (literally, my others are tight, so I had to put the larger ones on), went for a walk after work, made myself a healthy dinner (see carrot above) and ran a bath.  I also took myself off to bed early and today life seems so much better.

As I was laying in bed this morning planning the structure of this post, with the purring  girl cat under the quilt, wedged up against me like a small vibrating heat pad (something that my already super heated peri menopausal body didn’t need LOL), I thought about how lucky I am to have my health, both physically and mentally when so many aren’t given that option. So from here on out, I’ll try to keep it positive and keep myself moving forward while remembering to take care of what I have.

Thanks for all the well wishes after the last post, it does make a difference.  Stay healthy and happy!

OMG is it really nearly September?

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How has this happened good Internet people?  Not only is it nearly September I’ve not written since July!  See, this is what happens when work gets all logistics based instead of creative for me, I lose my drive to write.  Truth be told, I’m losing my drive around a lot of things ATM.

I’m not excersising, I’m eating badly and damn, did I want a drink over the past however many weeks it’s been.  I didn’t of course, but talk about some white knuckling. I’m pretty sure that comes down to the whole not practicing self care thing.  Work is getting at me with massive responsibilities and in my personal life ATM it seems that I’m the only one who can get things done (I’m not, and no one is expecting me to solve all their problems, I’m just having a pity party, so feel free to ignore me LOL).  Top it all off I came home from 3 days away to a mountain of bills, no cat food (which he casually mentioned AFTER the shops had shut and like he was sure I’d solve it – WTF?) and promptly developed a massive cold sore. So I’ve got cranky cats, I’m a cranky wife, I feel like the elephant woman, and I’ve got a dodgy bank balance and it’s only Monday… LOL, what else does the week hold for me I wonder?

So that’s my whinge for the day, thanks for listening everyone.  This weekend is my last “event” for the year, so at least the majority of my travel is over.  I’m leaving you with the image above… If this little toy can attempt such an ambitious job, I’m sure I’ll be fine as well. 😉

Stay healthy and happy all.

 

 

Could This Be The Start?

Hmm, woke up in the middle of the night drenched in sweat, I know it wasn’t alcohol related so I hope it was just the massive amounts of roast lamb I ate for dinner, but I have a sneaking suspicion that it wasn’t.  Not sure I like where this is going… surely I’m too young for menopause??!

Anything else I should be on the watch for?

Back Fat & Booze

One of the “joys” of getting older is watching my body change… it’s doing stuff that I’ve never had to deal with before and I’m not happy about it.  Yeah, yeah, I know, age gracefully, be thankful that I have the chance, so many don’t, etc, etc… trust me I get all that but seriously, why can’t I just stay the shape I was?

I’m pretty lucky, I’m one of these people that have until the last few years been able to eat pretty much what I want and as long as I move a bit my weight doesn’t change a lot.

However, it was brought home to me by a young bra fitter recently that there’s been a change I really don’t like.  I was feeling a bit frumpy, as you do when you reach a certain age and decided that a new bra would cheer me up (why I thought this I have no idea. LOL).   So I trotted off to brand name underwear chain to get fitted.  All the bra’s I tried on provided me with a very sexy (NOT!) and unwelcome extra roll of fat poking out from under the arms and around the back.   “These don’t fit” I confidently tell the fitting assistant “They’re too tight, look at that bulge, let’s try another size”.  She casually looks me over and says “Nope, right size, don’t worry about that, everyone has them” she says in the comforting the old lady tone that only a retail sales assistant can carry off.

My first thought was – hey, I’m not everyone young lady! followed swiftly by, when did this happen to me, I’m not an extra roll of fat kind of person??!!

But you know what, I am now.  Years of booze (and brie)  have added an unwelcome layer of padding to my body.  It’s crept up gradually and I never noticed until I wasn’t happy with what I saw.

So, my existing bra’s aren’t uncomfortable because they are old, they are uncomfortable because I’m inhaling too much sugar and sitting around feeling hungover and sorry for myself.  Right then!

You know what, I’m tired of being tired and not being the best me.  So, 2019 is the year of “YES”, yes to opportunities, yes to new experiences, yes to no booze for the year and yes to recovering me.

PS: day ten no booze and I feel great… day ten is when the happy comes back… day 15 is where I forget what it’s like to drink and crack, so I’m on my guard!  

 

It’s Been A while, Oh And I Broke Someone…

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Nearly two months since I wrote. How that time has flown by.  I’ve got lots to say but nothing at the same time if you know what I mean?

I was going to talk about Christmas craziness*, but it’s not – it’s going to be just me, the cats and Crazy Cat Boy at home for a quiet day.

Then I was going to talk about the whole no booze journey and how it’s going for me, but I’m not – There’s been a few drinks here and there, nothing to write home (or a blog) about.

Oh, I know what I can tell you!  I’m the last straw!  That’s right,  you heard it here first good internet peeps, I pushed someone over the edge!  They actually cited me as, and I quote, “Too Demanding”,  the task I’d given them was the “last straw” and they quit their job of over 10 years.

Hmm, I sound terrifying I know!  But the reality is far from that.

Regular readers might remember that my organisation had a big event** last month, one I’ve been working as the key Project Manager on for a while.  Part of the three day event was a side function that ran for one day and included our suppliers exhibiting.  I’d been working with the relevant Sales Manager for my client who seemed…. disinterested shall we say in the details.  Sales Manager takes off for leave (as they are justified to do) and leaves very vague instructions for his staff member around the responsibilities for the side function.

Not unexpectedly I call a meeting with this staff member to see how things are going and where we can support (keeping in mind we’d actually done all the heavy lifting already on the event – all we really needed was someone to run it on the day).  They seemed fine at the meeting and we progress with phone calls, emails etc, all is moving in the right direction until 1 week out I get a call from the big boss… “Sales Manager got back today,  XYZ quit, apparently it’s our fault.”   

Our fault? Nope, not even remotely.  XYZ had a lot on, it’s been a very, very long year in our industry, more so than normal, and he was working in a high pressure sales environment with an understaffed team.  XYZ has a small child who is unwell and a massive prospective new customer that was keeping them on the road and away from home.  Add to that an overworked and under pressure sales manager above them and it all became too much and he marched in with a resignation letter and then marched straight out of the building.  Dramatic, but not very practical in my book (Hmm, perhaps I really am a hardarse)

The big boss was concerned that I might feel bad about the situation, but I don’t.  I know that it wasn’t me – in fact once the smoke had cleared XYZ went to the boss and said as much, they were just overwhelmed.

I do hope XYZ gets another job soon that will allow them to enjoy what they do again and that they find peace. I’ve been in a situation where a job is literally killing me, it’s not healthy.  I’m not sure what their personal situation is, I do hope they had the Fuck You Money to do this without putting their family stability at risk.

The whole situation was a timely reminder to keep an eye on my own stress levels and mental health.  So I encourage all of you at the end of this long year, wherever you are to take stock of how you feel in your head and your heart and make changes to keep yourself healthy and happy as we head into the silly season and beyond.

 

*Even my dear SIL seems to be taking a realistic approach to the silly season this year… the fact that she’s 7 weeks booze free is probably helping there I should imagine! Go her, it’s a great thing to be doing for herself.

**In case you are wondering, I did the lead up, the event and post event stone cold sober, much to many peoples deep and abiding confusion.   Trust me, it really was the only way I got through.  If I’d been dealing with lack of sleep and hangovers, I’d have done more than quit my job!  LOL

How did I get F%^&*ing old?

Ok, its’ been a weird week good internet peeps.  I should have been launching a couple of promotions, putting the finishing touches on my next quarter campaign and looking the very picture of health as I get ready for my first 100 days booze free to end.  But am I? Nope, I’m writing this from bed, my bed, which is a nice change as last week a Cold, that’s right, a Cold put me in hospital!

What The Actual Fuck?!

I thought I was at least experiencing something sexy and serious like stroke, but no, simply the mundane. I couldn’t see properly, which turns out is an issue as you cruise down the freeway at 100 km and then try and negotiate city traffic on a week day.  To say I made a strategic error going to work on Thursday is an understatement.

The lovely emergency department Dr (who was quite cute and well dressed for a 12 year old…. god he looked  young!) ran through all the tests, CT, MRI, bloods, you name it, they did them all (they came back negative for anything serious) and then announced that they were keeping me in for observation overnight. The head Neuro guy came in with his prep class (more well dressed 12 year old’s who’s name tags all inexplicably read “Dr”) the next day… I’d started to make very strong “my preference would be” type statements about them letting me go home, so I think they decided to call in the big guns to exert some authority over me.  LOL.  He proclaimed that I was free to go home and that as we age our eyes tend to turn and this coupled with my “compromised immune system”, eg, case of the sniffles (FFS!), can manifest in blurred vision and it should sort itself out.

So that’s my life now is it? A couple of sneezes and I become some sort of house bound invalid?  Bloody hell, this is a bit shit right?  I’m supposed to be celebrating 100 days booze free tomorrow and instead I’ll be trying to muster up the energy to shower!

Got to tell you, I didn’t see this coming.  I’m grateful that I live in a country where I could pull up at the hospital emergency department and within a few hours find myself having undergone a battery of expensive tests and tucked up in bed for the night and it won’t cost me a thing*.  We are very lucky here in Australia to have such a fabulous system of public healthcare.

 

*It does cost via tax, but I’m ok with that, I think we should have a system where we can offer the very best healthcare to all, especially people who can’t afford it.  Not that I’ve used our public medical system like this before, I’ve never been admitted as a public patient. In fact the last time I was in hospital I was 22 and having wisdom teeth out.  I must point out that I’m kidding around, the 12 year old Drs, while looking like mini hipsters, knew their stuff and were very thorough and professional.

 

Sugar Made Me Do It

lemon cake

I’ve talked about how Crazy Cat Boy is helping me with my 100 Day Challenge but what I’ve not talked about is how I’m helping him achieve some goals of his own.  His goals are DELICIOUS!

We were given Poh Ling Yeow’s 100 Great Bakes cookbook last year for Christmas and he’s picked out a number of fabulous (and rich items) that he’d like to make.  First it was the decedent vanilla slice, which looked nothing like the vanilla slices of my school canteen days!  Mmm, the cream patisserie, for a woman who doesn’t like custardy things was divine.   Then this weekend gone it was the Lemon Curd Meringue Sponge cake… light, fluffy cake, zingy lemon curd all encased in the lightest chewiest meringue you’ve ever encountered.  Tonight will be puff pastry with leftover curd, Chantilly cream and meringue, coz, you know, food waste is such a crime against the environment (and my jeans it’s turning out).   Next weekend it’s the cinnamon scrolls, can’t wait!

Now here’s the kicker it’s been cold out here in wine country and it’s bloody dark in the mornings and I’ve been particularly slack around getting on the bike in these conditions.  This combined with the intense amount of sugar that I’ve been inhaling (I had lemon sponge for breakfast yesterday – don’t judge me, lemon is fruit and cream is just not runny milk!) and not only are my clothes feeling a bit tight but the wonderful head hits pillow out like a light sleep that I’ve been experiencing since not drinking has GONE.

I had forgotten how ordinary I feel when I don’t sleep and can’t believe that I normally operated like this.   I blame the sugar.  The only other option is that we’ve been going to bed a ridiculously early time since I’ve been on the challenge, perhaps I’ve caught up on all the sleep I’ve missed over the years in the past 60 odd days.  Yeah, I know, it’s unlikely.  LOL

As addictions go I think sugar is right up there, just writing this after my second day of no sleep has my mind is wandering through the contents of the pantry to see what in there that is sweet is readily available to sooth my craving.  I might have to address this one at some point.  But until then I’ll continue to support CCB in his endeavours… the sugar and love made me do it!

PS: In case anyone is wondering at nearly 70 days in I feel more “awake” now than I have in years regardless of the sleep issue. I’m thinking this 100 days might need to be extended.

Challenge Accepted!

barney

One of my fav TV characters of all times is Barney Stinson from HIMYM (How I Met Your Mother), his catch cry of “Challenge Accepted” always makes me smile, usually because it was attached to something that was never meant to be a challenge.

Well for the next 100 days “Challenge Accepted”* is going to be my catch cry as I take on Belles 100 Day Challenge – no booze until August 1st this year.

Crazy Cat Boy is concerned that this means “no drinking on your birthday” and I’m ok with that.  The next three months possibly could be make or break with me and what I do in my professional life for the next eight years that I plan on being full time.  I need all the focus and energy that I can muster up to make these next moves, and wine needs to be off the table to get me there.  I’ll check in with my progress regularly and I know I can get there, as of today it’s a 97 day challenge as I’ve already done 3 sober days.

What will be the challenge you accept?

*Ironically Barney usually uttered those words in a bar, beer in hand!