I’ve been worried about this for a while…
Alcoholism runs deep on both sides of my family. A maternal aunt spent most of her adult life in an assisted living facility due to brain damage from alcohol and dad is a functioning alcoholic.
I’ve always known that I had the capacity to develop a serious problem with alcohol. I develop patterns and habits quickly. This is great when it comes to work, I’m one of those people who employers talk about when they ask for someone who can “hit the ground running”, however it also means that sharing a couple of bottles of wine a night with Crazy Cat Boy also becomes a pattern fast.
It scares me that I can easily drink a bottle of wine and not feel any real ill effects the next day. That isn’t normal drinking, is it? No, don’t bother answering that, it isn’t, I know that.
Am I a drunk? I don’t drink every night, but when I do I get drunk and I’ve started falling asleep in front of the TV (or is that passing out?), I don’t drink on my own, but I’ve got a build in drinking buddy in CCB, I don’t fall down drunk in public, I don’t skip work due to hangovers, but I am less productive and tend to waste time on those days.
Today’s post is inspired by the fact that I knew I had a big day, one where I need to be creative and also hold my own with my boss on a new product that we disagree on. So the sensible course of action would have been to have one glass with the neighbour when she brought over a thank you bottle and then gone to be early. Did that happen, hell no. She went home; we finished the bottle and then went and got another! As a result of that I had a bad sleep and have a mild hangover on top of bad hay fever and I’m feeling crap.
So, should I quit all together? I know what when I don’t drink I’m calmer, more focused and I look better. I’m also scared that I’m more concerned about what wine is doing to my hair and skin than my liver and brain, seriously what kind of mess up thinking is that?
Can I quit? That might be the even scarier question.