5 am is a weird time. It’s too early to get up and do something but too late to go back to sleep before the alarm goes off. So I lay there and think of all the little ways my life is not what I thought it would be. Everyone does this right? Oh, just me, hmmm.
I’ve got this overwhelming feeling that I’m a fraud, that I’m not good at my job and something about 5 am amplifies every little mistake to huge proportions and I worry that I’m about to be found out and will have to go back to selling shoes. Does anyone else get this?
I wonder what happened to that girl who used to float through life with no worries, money sure as hell never bothered me – if you don’t have something it can’t be a problem right? My biggest problem in the late 80’s was which club to go to first and if I could snag a free car park so I’d have $6 left to buy a Coke while I was out. Now I’m staring at the ceiling worrying if Crazy Cat Boy will like the sandwich I’ve planned for his lunch tomorrow and how much the replacement vacuum cleaner head is going to cost* and if the Greenback will go up against the Aussie dollar. WTF! I know it’s an odd collection of things to worry about, but it’s very noisy inside my head sometimes.
So this morning as I’m lying in the dark having my very own pity party Monty cat discovered that I was awake (he was on one of his periodic stomp bys that he carries out during the night hours).
I was so, he happily snuggled down for a pat. While he was making his little happy whistle purrs in my ear I wondered what I’d been worried about. What right did I have to feel sorry for myself when I was in my warm comfortable bed with food in the fridge, a safe place to sleep and some furry creature who clearly thinks I’m ok. So many people around the world don’t have that option for whatever reason.
Now in the cold (and boy do I mean cold today) light of day all the problems I was stressing over have melted away… kind of like the point of this blog post; sorry about that it was super clear what I wanted to say around 5.15 am.
I won’t take up any more of your time, except to say embrace the little things in your life that are positive and ignore the negative, for the most part I’m willing to bet that the former outweigh the latter.
*Almost as much as a brand new vacuum it turns out, damn it!