Shame and Depression…

… went jeans shopping on the weekend, ‘nuf said!

Sigh, if only the Australian retail market catered for everyone like the USA, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be feeling like this.  I’ve never been what you’d call a standard size when it comes to jeans, so I wear what I’ve got for as long as I can, and the point is coming where I won’t be able to go out in public!  LOL.

While I’ve apparently shrunk in size (the last time I shopped all jeans were made for statuesque super models and required anywhere from 10 – 15 cm taken off the bottom, and I’m not paying $$$ for something only to pay more to have them actually fit me).  This time, while I’m the correct height for fashion, apparently my thighs are not on spec and I’ll need to have a rib or two removed to allow the inaccurately named waistband to do up.  God help me if I wanted to digest something, that would have to wait until undressing!

So after this weekends depressing* event I’m going to try and eek out my last precious few pairs of American Eagle Outfitter jeans for a whole year until I hit the USA next October.

And as if the above is not tragic enough, in a few months Super Sammie and I are heading to Bali and that requires bathers –  Oh the horror!!  Wish me luck!

 

* I’m using the word depression tongue in cheek here, however I’d like to acknowledge that depression is a very real and serious condition that impacts a lot of people.  If you think you might be suffering, please speak to someone, there is help out there.

 

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It’s Days like Today…

… that make me eternally thankful that I’m not dealing with it all hungover and foggy!

Nothing earth shattering, the world will continue to turn, but my work life is conspiring against me today. But instead of throwing all my toys out of the cot, I can simply respond calmly (well, I calmed down after a cup of tea if I’m honest), and effectively to fix the issues.

So, how’s things in everyone’s world?  Happy and healthy I hope!

PS: Is anyone else loving the mocktail game being brought by bars and restaurants ATM?  Standards are pretty high here in Melbourne.  Mind you we are the hipster capital of the world (are hipsters still a “thing?”, I’m way old LOL), so I’m not surprised.

 

It’s amazing what a difference a carrot can make.

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Photo by Zun Zun on Pexels.com

Well, it wasn’t just a carrot, but I’m sure the carrot played a part in pulling me out of my last post pity party.  After re reading my post I decided that I really didn’t have life to waste on feeling like that, so I put my big girl pants on (literally, my others are tight, so I had to put the larger ones on), went for a walk after work, made myself a healthy dinner (see carrot above) and ran a bath.  I also took myself off to bed early and today life seems so much better.

As I was laying in bed this morning planning the structure of this post, with the purring  girl cat under the quilt, wedged up against me like a small vibrating heat pad (something that my already super heated peri menopausal body didn’t need LOL), I thought about how lucky I am to have my health, both physically and mentally when so many aren’t given that option. So from here on out, I’ll try to keep it positive and keep myself moving forward while remembering to take care of what I have.

Thanks for all the well wishes after the last post, it does make a difference.  Stay healthy and happy!

OMG is it really nearly September?

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How has this happened good Internet people?  Not only is it nearly September I’ve not written since July!  See, this is what happens when work gets all logistics based instead of creative for me, I lose my drive to write.  Truth be told, I’m losing my drive around a lot of things ATM.

I’m not excersising, I’m eating badly and damn, did I want a drink over the past however many weeks it’s been.  I didn’t of course, but talk about some white knuckling. I’m pretty sure that comes down to the whole not practicing self care thing.  Work is getting at me with massive responsibilities and in my personal life ATM it seems that I’m the only one who can get things done (I’m not, and no one is expecting me to solve all their problems, I’m just having a pity party, so feel free to ignore me LOL).  Top it all off I came home from 3 days away to a mountain of bills, no cat food (which he casually mentioned AFTER the shops had shut and like he was sure I’d solve it – WTF?) and promptly developed a massive cold sore. So I’ve got cranky cats, I’m a cranky wife, I feel like the elephant woman, and I’ve got a dodgy bank balance and it’s only Monday… LOL, what else does the week hold for me I wonder?

So that’s my whinge for the day, thanks for listening everyone.  This weekend is my last “event” for the year, so at least the majority of my travel is over.  I’m leaving you with the image above… If this little toy can attempt such an ambitious job, I’m sure I’ll be fine as well. 😉

Stay healthy and happy all.

 

 

Appreciation & 6 Months

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Last week I was fortunate to travel to the Northern Territory for work and stayed on to catch up with Cousin Wendy who is running a business in the middle of no where.  I had no idea what type of pressure she was working under in her small business.  Times are tough in the NT, staff are hard to get and tourist numbers are down.  Cousin Wendy is living her life in 30 minute increments, constantly juggling staff and stock issues all while trying to have  whirlwind 3 day roadtrip* with me  – we covered 1600 km in 3 days! It really made me appreciate the slower pace that my life runs at, allowing me to experience things, rather than just ticking a box and moving on to the next thing to be done without stopping to breathe.

I’m not sure if it’s because I was born there, or because I was with one of my oldest friends, or if it was the amazing landscape and complete lack of phone coverage, but I felt a peace while I was on this trip.   I’ve come to appreciate my life more than ever before.  I have an AWESOME life and there is even more to be lived.

Along with this amazing roadtrip experience I also learnt more about a subject that most white Australian’s never hear about… how many Aboriginal Australian’s experience life in remote communities.  Cousin Wendy has daily interactions with her local community.  While alcohol, drugs and boredom create huge social and health issues within these townships, one thing I did take away is how important family is to the Aboriginal people, and the loyalty that these communities feel for family and those that support them. I don’t know what can be done to solve the issues that exist in these communities, certainly smarter, more culturally aware people that me have tried over the years, but I do hope that a solution is found.

Yesterday I celebrated** 6 months with no wine, and I have to say I’m feeling pretty damn happy and healthy.

*I would like to acknowledge the Bininj and Mungguy peoples of Kakadu and the Jawoyn people, traditional owners of Katherine Gorge.

** I had a chocolate quik to celebrate  🙂

Still Here

I’ve not dropped off the face of the planet (or off the wagon) I promise!

Been traveling  for work across this wide brown land – very brown at the moment, goodness Australia needs some rain.

156 days with no booze… it’s been a challenge picking out wines for the events I’m hosting…

1. I’m getting nostalgic for the lovely wines I won’t be drinking.

2. Turns out I’m kind of a tight arse when I won’t be drinking. Having trouble justifying spending my clients money on “the good stuff” when I don’t have a vested interest!  LOL

I’ve been fair though, my clients aren’t reduced to drinking the $5 bottles, I promise.  I’ve been choosing a good middle quality booze for them  🙂

Well, that’s my 5 minutes in between meetings, hope you are all happy and healthy.  Oh, and if anyone happened to visit the new Star Wars land at Disney that opened this week, I’d love to hear about it!

Temptations Everywhere

It’s day 128 no booze for me and I’m travelling extensively for work this week – 4 different states in 4 days.  I’d never noticed before how much temptation there is to drink around travel.

Right now for instance I’m in a 3 hour layover in an airline lounge (fancy I know!  LOL) and the after work travel crowd are drinking up a storm – free booze, my favorite, sigh.

Sitting on my own in nice restaurants listening to champagne corks pop while I try to elegantly sip my coke is also quite trying as I discovered the other night.  To combat this the following night I had KFC for dinner and took myself off the the local movie theatre to keep occupied.

Tomorrow I’ve had to turn down an invitation to hold a business meeting at a cozy wine bar near my media providers office  – I came clean to them and announced my year off to emailed acclaim (I’m sure they think I’m crazy).

Last Saturday I dealt with the exclusive wine tasting that I arranged for my clients by escorting them to the venue and then “going to sound check with the dinner band” – really I was sitting in a cozy corner of the resort reading a book until they finished (more venues should have libraries for us non boozers to distract ourselves with), by then they were all so chirpy that they didn’t notice I wasn’t drinking – my cunning plan worked!

The rest of my country wide tour will be less booze focused and I can’t wait to get home to Crazy Cat Boy and the furry ones.

Stay happy and healthy everyone.

Longest Ever Booze Free

Well, it’s official, at 107 days today that’s 3 days longer than I’ve been booze free since my early 20s!

That’s pretty darn good, over 25% of my year off is completed and I’ve saved a bucket load of cash, my calm demeanor means I’ve not killed anyone at work*, my skin is good and I’m way fitter than I’ve been in a while.  All in all a pretty solid result.

No booze means that I know my experience last night was probably menopause related, not my body burning off toxins…  I spent the early hours of last night laying on the cool tiles in the lounge room trying to bring my core body temp down to a comfortable sleeping level while making up hot flush related words to the song “Summer Nights” from Grease as the girl cat circled wondering what the hell I was up to… perhaps I’ll record them one night while I’m being kept awake by my body turning on itself.  LOL

So, I’m a week out from turning 48, my second sober birthday in two years (I know, who’d have thunk it!) and while I’m clearly getting older, I’m feeling better than I have in years and know that I can face anything that comes at me.

Stay healthy and happy good peeps.

* Yet!  😉

I’ve Got To Stop Dreaming About Poultry!

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Wow, weird, fast, long few days good Internet peeps.  A Day has been and gone and not all went to plan.  Apparently, according to the Internet, this is why I’ve been dreaming about poultry; baby poultry to be exact!

For the last few night’s I’ve been dreaming about chicks, ducklings and their eggs.  The fact that I’m dreaming (don’t often), coupled by this very weird pattern sent me off searching for meaning…

Dreaming of:

  • Birds – Hopes, goals and aspirations or a sunny disposition and that a weight has been lifted off of me
  • Chickens – Cowardice and lack of willpower and possible gossip about me
  • Ducks – Represent spiritual freedom, that I’m flexible,  I may also feel like a sitting duck or target.
  • Hatching Eggs  –  financial gain.   In my dream they turned into chicks, that doesn’t add up if we look above.  Unless I’m scared of more money… nah, doesn’t seem right, but send cash anyway, I’m happy to find out, all in the name of science you understand  😉  .

So taking into account all the above  I’m happily, optimistically, running from something scary, being talked about (hopefully about my adaptability, see “duck” LOL), afraid I’m about to be picked off, but apparently coming into some cash so I don’t care because I’m also spiritually free.  That’s quite a mix to wade* through.

Mind you, perhaps I’m just craving a good roast chicken or peking duck!  It’s possible, I’m partial to both.

The reality is that while there are some questions about where I’ll wind up professionally in the near future, I’m actually very excited about the changes being made, there’s a lot of opportunity for me to do new things and grow, and I can’t wait.

I’m very pleased that I’m tackling this without booze**, can you imagine the size of the birds I might be dreaming about if I was wine soaked as well!   I have to say that being trapped at a table of colleagues who had the advantage of taking the boredom edge off a 4 hr awards banquet with copious amounts of one of my favourite wines was tough, but I hung in there and consequently didn’t fall into the trap of the dreaded after party!  Perhaps I’m learning…

 

*duck pun unintended

**100 days yesterday, feeling very good physically and mentally

 

 

 

 

Best “Chick Flick” Ever!

Crazy Cat Boy dragged me very unenthusiastically to see Marvel’s latest offering, apparently it’s a “must see” before the final Avengers Movie comes out.

So with an eye roll I settled down into the comfy cinema (wow, have cinema’s changed over the past few years or what? Talk about fancy!) and braced myself for a two hour, loud, super hero’s fight em’, boy movie.

I. Was. Wrong!

Captain Marvel is every super hero that I wanted to be as a kid, hell, she was even an ace pilot*!  And she got to go to space, and she could  fight, and she dressed cool, and she had an even cooler BFF… I might have been seriously crushing on this character by the end of the movie, can you tell?  LOL

Along with that, the plot was very good, it tied up a lot of loose ends and gave some historical context to important parts of the Marvel universe.   All in all, my review is Five Stars.  If you are looking for the ultimate chick flick, this is it.  Take your BFF, your daughters/nieces/grand daughters and show them girls really can do anything they want… Captain Marvel sure did.  😉

Ok, movie review done, it’s back to work… I ran into the EGM at my clients this morning, A Day is very close, he even had the comms plan in his hand!

Stay happy and sober everyone.

*Actually, I wanted to be the female Starbuck in the original Battlestar Galactica** series, long before Katee Sackhoff took on the role in the reboot.  I even looked at joining the RAAF (Royal Australian Air Force), but they didn’t let girls fly fighters then so I didn’t see the point.  Mind you my ambition at 15 far outweighed my science and maths skills, so I might have hit a snag anyway!  LOL

**If you were a fan, don’t go back and re watch it, it has NOT stood the test of time!  I’ve suffered so you don’t have to, you’re welcome.  😉